My apologies for the lack of creative writing the past couple of weeks, I have been busy but never fear as I have stories to tell. This prompt was a bit of technical writing combined with something that would give the reader goosebumps, we were asked to write in second-person. As always, this story has only been edited for spelling.
The trail is empty except for you and a few birds twittering unseen in the leaf canopy overhead. Clouds roll slowly, obscuring the sun on occasion and the hike is chillier then you figured it would be. Constant movement keeps you warm.
The hiking trail makes a gradual curve and before you realize it you are on the far side of the mountain. The once intermittent sunlight is now blocked by the wall of rock. Solo hiking is normally refreshing for you but this time you feel eyes. At the sharp turn of a switchback you stop for a breath and gaze around hoping to see something, a deer, a hawk but there is nothing, just wind in the trees and the huffing of your own breath. You continue on, pushing hard to summit before the fateful hour hits: turn-around-time.
The feel of something watching grows, you push yourself faster. Trying in vain to get away from that gaze. Turning again you strain to see through the ferns and shifting shadows of the trees but there appears to be no living thing in sight. At the start of another set of switchbacks you stop for a drink, the mountain’s summit is still out of sight but your turn-around-time is here and in all honesty you are ready to get off this mountain.
Going down should be easier but the path is steep and roots threaten to trip you. Anxiety grips you, you don’t want to be out here after dark in the cold with that presents watching. Carefully and steadily you hike the miles back. You hope that whatever is watching you will stop once you turn the bend and cross to the western side of the mountain. You glance over your shoulder – did something move behind that tree? No, it was just another cloud moving across the sun.
That feeling of being watched stays with you until you get back to the more popular portions of the trail. You understand now why the upper portions of the trail were so deserted – something doesn’t like people on its mountain. Normally you would comeback, start earlier and summit another day but not this trail. This trail you will leave alone.
What do you think about writing in second person, is it a style you like? Have you ever read a book written in this style? Let me know in the comments and beware of what hides-behind. Remember to leave no trace.
Thank you KW Photography for allowing me to use your wonderful photos!
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2 comments on “Writing Group: Short Story: VII”
I haven’t seen that many stories in second person, but if done right, it can be very effective. Probably the best example I can think of is Oh, the Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss.
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I’ve only read one other really, titled Tennis Lessons.
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