Writing Group: Short Story: XXIV

This story was a ton of fun to write. It got me my third writer of the week – although I did tie with another person and I can’t be mad about that because I voted for their story as well.

This prompt was a little weird. We rolled D&D dice to determine which D&D monster book we would use and then picked a page at random. I ended up with an archdevil as my monster. After we all had our monsters the task was to write a story for how the recipe for cooking that monster came into the family.

I had a ton of fun writing this story. When reading it, it is best read in a southern bell accent. We read these out loud at club and accents always make things interesting and funny.

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Devil and Waffles

We all love chicken and waffles and maybe with a bit of hot honey. That chicken though has nothing on my great-great grandmother’s delicious recipe for double battered devil cooked low and slow. Back then my family was dirt poor, and the kings being kings wouldn’t allow serfs to hunt on their land. 

My great-great-great grandfather made a deal with a lower level demon at a crossroads to ensure that all his children could live full lives and never go hungry. He made this decision after his wife, my great-great-great grandmother died of starvation. 

The price was his soul, demons are so unoriginal. Not wanting to leave his children parentless, my great-great-great grandfather worked into his contract an alternative – he was a wonderfully clever man. If he could slay the guardian of the first level of hell, he could keep his soul and the bargain would be fulfilled. 

The only issue now was that the guardian of the first level of hell was Zariel, an archdevil with wings of fire and flaming weapons. His question was then, how do you defeat fire? Well of course with ice. But where do you get enough ice to put out a being of fire? 

As it turned out, my great-great-great grandfather was owed a favor by a dragon that he had helped dig out of a swamp after a massive mudslide from spring snow melts had rolled the fyre drake down its mountain to bury it at the bottom. As it turned out there was a snow drake that owed a favor to the fyre drake. Great-great-great grandfather was originally hoping to get the help of at least the snow drake but the fyre one said that he was bored and decided to come along as well. 

Now, all this was way back when there was still an easy to open gate to hell, they guard it better now – probably because of my family now that I think about it. The plan was that my great-great-great grandfather would distract Zariel while the fyre drake battled with the minor devils and kept them busy. The snow drake would then come in and blast the archdevil and quinch that fire! 

As you can probably guess – it didn’t go quite like that. It turns out fallen angels are crafty too. She almost speaked the snow drake and put out his frozen heart. According to my great-great-great grandfather she battle both dragons at once because of course the fyre drake came over to the better fight. Minor devils die easy, they have so little spice. 

Well the snow drake lost a tail spike early in the fight and my great-great-great grandfather picked it up only to get frostbite! After protecting his hand he managed to get into the fight and slammed that spike through the archdevil’s back. He almost burned to death in her fiery wings. 

Hand blue with frostbite, the rest of him singed from the fires of hell he stood triumphantly before the demon he’d made the deal with. The demon’s jaw was on the dusty floor of hell in disbelief. The demon had never believed a human could slay an archdevil. 

With pride my great-great-great grandfather brought that smoldering corpse home because you don’t waste good meat. It took my grandmother a while but she eventually created this recipe. The higher level the devil, the spicier the meat, so be aware of that. Minor devils are mild while archdevils will literally set you on fire if not prepared correctly. 

Ingredients: 

• 2lbs devil meat – cut into strips
• Buttermilk 
• Heavy cream
• Eggs
• Flour
• Powdered sugar
• Oil 
• Favorite waffle batter
• Whipped cream
• Maple syrup
• Chopped nuts

Directions: 

1. Soak the devil meat in the buttermilk for 9 days, replacing the buttermilk each day.
   1. Dispose of the buttermilk in the fire, as it is absorbing the spiciness that will cause spontaneous combustion. 
2. On the 9th day, discard the last of the buttermilk. Mix the heavy cream and eggs in one bowl and the flour, powdered sugar in another bowl. 
3. Starting with the milk mixture, dredge the demon meat. Dredge in the flour mix. Repeat once more for each piece. 
4. Fry on low until cooked all the way through. 
5. While the devil is cooking, make the waffles. 
6. Layer waffle, fried devil, syrup, whipped cream, and top with chopped nuts.
   1. We prefer pecans. 

Tips! 

• This recipe may still be very spicy even with all the sweet and cream. Prep yourself in the days before this meal by eating other spicy things. 
• Enjoy with a good cup of coffee or orange juice. 

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I hope you enjoyed this ridiculous tale as much as I enjoyed writing it. Enjoy good food and I’ll see you for the next story.

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