By Last week I talked about Advice Column questions, this week we answered those questions. This is a fun exercise to respond to another person’s writing.
I responded to an Advice Column question that was about a rogue geneticist that had released a pack of proto-triceratops into a neighborhood. The person asking the question asked if they should release engineered velociraptors to protect their home and plants from the proto-triceratops. It was a funny ask and it stuck with me. I hope you enjoy my response.
Dear Upset Paleobotanist,
Issues with the neighbors’ pets are rarely an easy problem to solve and I had to do some research on the best way for you to deal with the genetically engineered proto-triceratops. I have a couple of suggestions that are less drastic than raptors that may cause bodily harm to humans.
The first option is cattle prods. Shock them when the proto-triceratops get near your Jurassic era plant life. Or now that I think about it, you could give some plants to the neighbor to grow so that the little dinos can eat those instead of yours.
My more drastic thought is to get animal control to make the neighbor put up an eclectic fence to keep in the proto-triceratops on their property. Then the beasts cannot go galavanting off across the neighborhood causing damage.
I hope these suggestions help you to deal with these giant pets. Please don’t release the proto-raptors, animal as a weapon murder is still illegal.
Best,
Gardening Guru
Thank you KW Photography for allowing me to use your wonderful photos!
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